


The Longest Week of Summer

by Kereea



Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [12]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Gen, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-14 17:09:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17512592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: Phineas and Ferb’s plan to celebrate the longest day of summer wasn’t properly communicated to Heinz and Perry, who are horrified to find their kids halfway around the world with no supervision and maybe no way home.Meanwhile, their latest thwarting of Heinz and Perry may have wrecked Mystery’s evil cred forever and Peter’s not really helping things.





	1. Round the World with You

 “So, you’re going to bring us souvenirs, right?” Candace asked.

 “You want souvenirs from the International Good Guy Convention?” Heinz asked blankly.

 “She means _Tokyo_ , Dad!” Vanessa said.

 “Oh, oh yeah, the prank should only take a day, and then we can get you something on the way home, sure!” Heinz said brightly. “Do you kids have anything _fun_ planned?”

 “Well, the longest day of summer’s going to be when you’re gone, so I’m assuming Phineas and Ferb have something or other on their minds,” Vanessa said, grinning.

 “You’re right! I should see what ideas they have for that,” Heinz said as Perry came into the room to hand the girls a checklist.

 “…Yes, we have our car keys and yes, we will drive the boys to their friends’ houses,” Candace sighed.

 “No, I won’t be out driving late at night,” Vanessa added, reading over her shoulder. “Yes, we’ll call if there’s a problem. Yes, I have my own mother’s number, Perry.”

 Perry gestured for them to keep going.

 “No parties in the apartment, takeout money is in the envelope on the fridge,” Candace read, “Jeremy is not allowed over here while you’re gone—Uncle Perry, he’s in _France_.”

 “Oh. Well, that’ll keep him from being over unsupervised!” Heinz said brightly. “And remember, Norm stays up in the lab unless there’s some kind of emergency and you need him down in the apartment, and _yes_ he can go with you to do fun things with your friends.”

 “Again, more the boys’ thing,” Candace said. “I don’t really need a giant robot around most of the time.”

 “He can be kind of fun to take dancing,” Vanessa said, shrugging. “But yeah, I think we’ll let the boys monopolize the robot.”

 “Sounds good!” Heinz said as Perry gave the girls a thumbs-up. Perry grabbed their bags and they headed into the living room where Phineas and Ferb were watching cartoons.

 “You guys about ready to go?” Phineas asked.

 “Just about. Wanted to make sure you’d be okay while we’re gone,” Heinz said as Perry gave the boys a hug.

 “We’ll be fine! We’ve got big plans!” Phineas said.

 “Longest day of summer, right?” Heinz asked.

 Ferb nodded eagerly.

 “We’re going to follow the sun!” Phineas said.

 “All right, well make sure to be safe when you’re looking at it and be _careful_ with the astronomical instruments,” Heinz said. “Most of them pack up okay, but that black-orb one’s kind of finicky, be careful and use _padding_ if you’re moving it around.”

 “Oh, yeah, and we made special sunglasses,” Phineas said. He showed Heinz a pair. “Cool, right?”

 Ferb added, “And we’re going to have a party at the end.”

 “Oh, so tomorrow night? We should be back by then!” Heinz said. “If there’s cake, save cake.”

 Perry reminded them not to put too much easily-trashed stuff in the Garcia-Shapiro’s yard for the party.

 “We won’t!” Phineas promised.

 Perry gave the boys another hug and then looked around to find Candace lingering. He asked if she needed anything else.

 “Um…yeah. If we need to call you, it’s okay even if international calls are pricey?” Candace asked.

 Perry nodded fervently, telling her that if she needed to call, then call.

“Okay,” Candace said. “Bye. Love you guys.”

 “Bye!” Heinz called as they shut the door on their way out. He turned to Perry. “All right! Let’s go kidnap Major Monogram!”

 Perry grinned and held up a role of duct tape.

“Oh _man_ , I love you!”

.o.o.o.

_Later that day_

 Candace looked at her phone, then back at the boys’ plane. 

 On the one hand, she was pretty sure Uncle Perry and Dr. D had no idea what the boys really had planned, thinking they were tracking the sun with astronomical stuff or whatever, not _following_ it. And so maybe she should call to let them know what the boys were up to and bust this before it got out of hand…

 On the other hand…looking at that giant map, they were going to Paris.

 Where Jeremy was.

 And it wasn’t having Jeremy in the apartment unsupervised if neither of them was in Danville, much less the apartment…

 “This is going to be so awesome!” Vanessa said.

 “Yeah, but what if something goes wrong?” Candace asked.

 “Well, we stop in Japan, India, France, and maybe the east coast of the US for fuel, so that should be fine,” Vanessa said.

 “Actually, we’re just stopping in Japan and France,” Phineas said. “India and the east coast are backups in case we need extra stops.”

 “See, everything’s handled!” Vanessa said.

 Candace pulled Vanessa aside, “Do you think your dad and Uncle Perry know we’re doing this?”

 “…Why wouldn’t they?” Vanessa asked. “Phineas and Ferb do this kind of stuff all the time. Remember last summer when they found Atlantis?”

 “Okay, yeah,” Candace said. “I’m sure it’s fine. Fine, fine.”

 “Yeah, the boys told them what they’re doing and Dad and Perry said fine, right?” Vanessa asked.

 “…Yeah,” Candace agreed. “Still, I think doing this for a bet is maybe a bad idea.”

 “I’m more annoyed the bet’s so unbalanced—Phineas knows Buford’s fine with eating a bug!” Vanessa said. “But if it lets me see Paris, then it’s so worth it!”

 “Yeah, that’s right. It’ll be worth it,” Candace said.

.o.o.o.

 After a very long flight to Japan, during which they’d mostly slept to try and adjust to the time change, Perry and Heinz left the airport and headed to their hotel, Perry hauling along a unusually large bag they’d been forced to check.

 Once they were inside, Perry opened the suitcase to allowed Monogram to fall out of it.

 “Did you _have_ to put me in the luggage?” Monogram asked.

 “Well, yeah,” Heinz said. “What would people say if we tried to drag a person covered in duct-tape and gagged onto a plane?”

 “And _check_ me?” Monogram asked.

 Perry said they couldn’t have possibly fit him in a carry-on and the major knew it. He asked if Monogram needed some water.

 “I’m fine. And here I thought luggage got _screened_ ,” Monogram huffed.

 Perry explained that Heinz had invented something to make it look like the crate was full of computer parts.

 “Wow. You have devices to defeat airline security and…and this is what you use it for. Wow,” Monogram said.

 Perry scowled, noting that Monogram could be a little grateful this was all they were using it for.

 “Mr. Fletcher, you have kidnapped me across international borders. I do not have to be grateful for _anything_ ,” Monogram said. “Also, you didn’t have to kidnap me to get me here, I would arrive in Tokyo on my own in a few hours.”

 “Ah, but then we would have such a short timetable to kidnap you and set up the rest of our devious plan!” Heinz explained. “This was way easier.”

 “…Kidnapping me, inventing a way to disguise me as luggage, and stashing me in your hotel room was _easier_ ,” Monogram said.

 “Well, yeah, the only real flaw is that we can’t have any _fun_ until the convention,” Heinz said, grinning at Perry and waggling his eyebrows.

 “You could lock me in the bathroom,” Monogram suggested.

 “Pssh, and let you have a chance to escape? I think not!” Heinz said. “We’ll just have to save the couple-stuff for after we’ve humiliated you on the world stage, and embarrassed the International Good Guy Convention!”

 Perry noted they had to have a high toleration for embarrassment with a name like that.

 “The IGGC is a _respected_ event!” Monogram protested.

 “Not respected enough for people to get them a new name,” Heinz said.

 “Urgh,” Monogram sighed. “Well. The convention’s not for a few more hours. What’s the evil plan until then?”

 “Soap operas and authentic ramen!” Heinz said brightly as Perry grabbed the remote.

.o.o.o.

 “Huh. Flying over the Pacific is actually kind of boring,” Candace said.

 “There’s a reason a lot of people do these as overnight flights,” Buford agreed. “Just a lot of water…”

 “Yes, but it is hard to sleep when following the sun,” Baljeet said, lifting a small sleep mask at apparently wasn’t doing its job.

 “Try harder, our journey’s going to be at least twenty-four hours, so we’re going to need to get some sleep,” Phineas advised from the pilot’s seat while Ferb napped in to copilot’s seat. “And the Pacific’s going to be our biggest stretch of not much happening.”

.o.o.o.

 “So…how does this plan of yours even work, anyway? You mock the fact that you kidnapped me, get thwarted, and then everyone goes about their lives?” Monogram asked.

 “How is _that_ a prank?” Heinz said. “No, no, we’re going to drop a giant water balloon on the convention and have you take the fall while mocking them about their name!”

 “I take it Fletcher is off preparing this alleged giant water balloon?” Monogram asked.

 “Yep! When he gets back, we’re going to have so much fun!” Heinz cackled.

 “And how do you expect to frame me for this?” Monogram asked.

 “Well, we’re going to have you on video confessing to it played as you’re caught on-stage with the release button!” Heinz said.

 “…And why would I confess to that?” Monogram asked.

 “Oh, we paid some hacker in Iowa to make a deepfake for us,” Heinz said. “I was just going to use my hands or an inator to move your mouth and imitate your voice, but Perry found this guy and it was a way better idea.”

 “I rue the day you hired him. Much less started dating him,” Monogram said. “You did not need a partner with common sense.”

 “Or those many muscles, I mean, _mrowr_ ,” Heinz fake-purred as Perry came over to them. “Got it all set?”

 Perry asked why Heinz was talking to Monogram about Perry’s muscles.

 “Because he rues that we’re dating and I like to brag about my awesome boyfriend,” Heinz said brightly. “Hey, hey, what’s that noise?”

 Perry grabbed Monogram and pulled him along as they moved to a window.

 “Huh, wonder why there’s a plane refueling in the streets?” Heinz asked. “With a catchy dance number, I mean, okay, that’s really getting me into it— _Phineas and Ferb?_ ”

 Perry, Heinz, and Monogram’s jaws dropped as it looked like their boys hopping into the plane with their girls and the rest of Phineas and Ferb’s friends and taking off. 

 “Was that our kids? Why were our kids in Japan? And then _leaving_ Japan?” Heinz asked.

 Perry signed frantically for Heinz to _call Norm_.

 “Right, right. Call Norm. Pick up, you bucket of— _Norm_! Where are the kids right now?”

 “My sensors indicate they are nearing India.”

 “Norm,” Heinz growled, grinding his teeth, “ _why_ are our kids ‘nearing India?’”

 Perry mouthed “India?” in shock before punching the wall by Monogram.

 Monogram sighed, “This does not sound good.”

 “They are celebrating the longest day of summer in the northern hemisphere!” Norm said.

 “Yeah, but, that’s not til _tomorrow_ your time!” Heinz said.

 “They are chasing the sun all the way around the world to celebrate it, sir!”

 “They’re doing _what_?” Heinz asked. “Wait, wait, speaker. I’m putting you on speaker. Okay. They’re doing _what_?”

 “They are chasing the sun around the world to celebrate the longest day of summer in the northern hemisphere!” Norm said.

 Perry signed that it was supposed to be a party. Monogram quickly repeated it for the speaker, “Fletcher says it was supposed to be a party!”

 “Oh, Stacy and I will set up the party for their return!” Norm said.

 Heinz turned off speaker phone and covered the mouthpiece. “Somebody give me a really good threat for this robot. I’m too mad to think of one.”

 “You’ll turn him into a typewriter,” Monogram suggested as Perry sighed and signed that it probably wasn’t Norm’s fault. Perry glared at Monogram.

 “I’d turn you into a typewriter if Perry agreed with me that this was your fault!” Heinz snapped into the phone, hanging up. “Urgh. Prank’s off, Monobrow, we have to go wrangle children, you know how it is-”

 “Not really, no,” Monogram said. “My son has never left the country unsupervised. Good luck with that one.”

 “Tell me about—whoa!” Heinz said, getting yanked off the ground by an irate Peter the Panda. “Wait, wait, wait, we called it off!”

 “Called what off? We just got here,” Mystery said, putting away the ray gun he’d aimed at Perry.

 “Look, look, we were going to do this _prank_ , okay?” Heinz said as Peter put him down and Mystery started untying Monogram. “ _But_ our kids did a _thing_ and, and we need to go. _Now_.”

 Perry nodded, already looking for flights on his phone. Norm had texted that he expected the next stop on their route to be Paris.

 Peter asked if everything was okay.

 “ _No_ , everything is _not_ okay!” Heinz said tightly. “We just—uh-oh.”

 “What?” Mystery asked.

 Heinz pointed.

 The camera that was supposed to broadcast Monogram’s speech was already on, and was focused on them.

 Mystery turned to see that yes, they were all on a huge screen in front of the convention.

 “…Your name is still _stupid_!” Heinz yelled at the convention-goers before grabbing Perry and running out.

 “Look, that agent and masked man saved Major Monogram!” one of the convention-goers said.

 “Uh-oh,” Mystery said as the ropes conveniently fell off Monogram at just that second.

 “All right for good guys!” someone else yelled.

 “No, no, no,” Mystery muttered quietly.

 Peter asked if he was okay.

 Mystery shook his head before fainting.

 “…Well. Okay then,” Monogram said. “Ordinarily I’d tell you to go chase Doof and Fletcher, but…yeah, they’ve got enough to deal with right now. And Mystery is unconscious. That too. Let’s…uh…go to medical?”

 Peter nodded, picking Mystery up and following Monogram.

.o.o.o.

 Heinz spent the entire flight panicking.

 “Do you think they brought food? What if they get hungry? What if they get _lost_? The planet is huge, Perry, _huge_!”

 Perry did his panicking silently, not wanting Heinz to freak out even more by causing a feedback loop.

 They’d sprung for the inflight wifi to text with Norm and Stacy. Stacy quickly proved to not know anything except that yes, a stop in Paris was planned, being more concerned with party-planning. Norm, meanwhile, had proved the limitations of technology to track the kids effectively across the globe, admitting that he was pretty sure they were in a mountain range in India, but not even having the power to specify which mountain in the range, before they were on the move again.

.o.o.o.

 “Urgh, my head,” Mystery groaned. “Wait, where am I?”

 “The medical center for the IGGC,” Monogram said.

 Peter held up a note asking if Mystery was all right.

 “No, I am not all right! I just got caught _helping OWCA_ in front of an international convention of do-gooders! Why would I be all right?” Mystery demanded.

 Peter admitted that it was definitely a bit awkward.

 “A bit? A bit? My evil credibility is ruined!” Mystery groaned, flopping back on the cot.

 “Erm. Yes. Well, if you’re going to pull through, I have a speech to do and several people to reassure after that little…incident,” Monogram said. “Peter, keep an eye on him.”

 Peter signed that they’d figure something out and thinks would be okay.

 Mystery buried his face in his hands. Everything was not okay. Everything was awful.


	2. From Paris with Panic

 “Well, I really didn’t expect the rubber bands to fail us at the end there, but at least we made it to Paris,” Phineas said, checking the map.

 “So we just refuel and keep going, right?” Isabella asked.

 Ferb shook his head.

 “Yeah, we uh…kind of messed up the fuel tank with that bad landing in the Himalayas,” Phineas said. “We’re going to need to modify the plane.”

 “Well, Paris is a huge place, I’m sure we can find something in between some sightseeing,” Vanessa said.

 “I sure hope so,” Phineas said.

.o.o.o.

 As they left the airport, Perry asked how they were going to find the kids in Paris.

 “Oops,” Heinz muttered. “You know, maybe we should have come up with that on the plane…”

 Perry suggested they call around to hadware stores, see if anyone had seen the kids. That was usually a good place to start in Danville.

 The two men paused as they heard music and what was definitely Isabella Garcia-Shapiro singing something about “the city of love…”

 “Follow that musical number!” Heinz declared.

.o.o.o.

 Peter checked on Mystery again, only to receive yet another death glare. This was shaping up to be a long, long flight home.

 Peter really wasn’t sure where they went from here. Mystery’s evil cred was apparently gone, not that Peter particularly paid attention to how evil cred worked. Frankly if Aaron had talked Peter wasn’t sure how strong it had even been for the past few weeks. But this was apparently Mystery’s breaking point.

 Really, how evil had Mystery _really_ been since the summer started? Sure he claimed it was revenge, but he’d forgone going against Heinz to spy on Perry in England, got along fine with Pinky and…so-so with Agent Loliberry, and even sometimes hung out with Peter at the office when Heinz and Perry weren’t being their usual prolific selves.

 Did Mystery really think they were every going to go back to just being nemeses after this summer? Had he really expected they could ever go back? Peter had thought they’d become friends…okay, friends who kept a lot of secrets because Peter was an agent and Mystery was secrecy-obsessed, seriously, the man had OWCA paying an _alias_ that happened to be the alias he paid taxes under because apparently Mystery wasn’t the tax-evasion type…

 Peter shook his head and checked his phone. He’d asked Carl about options and Carl had said he’d get back to Peter once he was awake enough to work on it.

.o.o.o.

 Isabella sighed. A whole dang musical number and Candace hadn’t managed to work up the courage to go see Jeremy _and_ Phineas hadn’t noticed her. At all. In Paris!

 “I’m just not sure what to do yet,” Phineas sighed.

 “Ha! Then I’m gonna win!” Buford said.

 Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and Vanessa froze at a sharp whistle.

 “Uncle Perry? Why aren’t you in Tokyo?” Phineas asked as they all turned to see Heinz and Perry coming up the sidewalk.

 “Why aren’t…why aren’t _we_ —why aren’t _you_ in Danville?” Heinz asked, arms flailing.

 “Because we’re going around the world,” Phineas said. “Is…is something wrong?”

 “Kids. We thought you were just throwing a _party_ ,” Heinz said. “We had no idea this was what you meant!”

 “…Oh. Oops,” Phineas muttered as several of the other kids cringed.

 Perry asked if _anyone’s_ families even knew where they were right now.

 Baljeet raised his hand. Perry looked at him questioningly. He shrugged, “We stopped by my Uncle Gustavo’s place in the mountains for transport here.”

 Perry signed that of course they had.

 “I did not know it was possible to sign so sarcastically,” Baljeet said.

 “You ain’t seen nothing, kid,” Heinz muttered.

 “This is my fault!” Candace blurted out.

 “…Huh?” everyone asked and/or signed.

 “I thought maybe you _didn’t_ realize what we were _really_ doing and that I should make sure you knew, but I saw there’d be a stopover in Paris and I _really_ wanted to see Jeremy and I was scared you’d say no so I didn’t say anything and _I_ should have said something, _I’m_ the one who busts the bad ideas and _I_ didn’t because _I_ was being selfish!” Candace said, starting to cry.

 “Candace, Candace, sweetie, breathe,” Heinz said. Perry fished a bag out of his pocket and handed it to Candace as she started hyperventilating. “We’re not mad, you just had us _so worried_. This is way too big for you to do without anyone knowing.”

 “We thought you knew,” Phineas muttered, scuffing his shoe on the pavement. “Sorry.”

 “Okay. Okay, here’s what we do,” Heinz said. “You kids have, like, an _hour_ to come up with how to get out of here. While we do that, Perry and I will help Candace out and I’ll make some tracker that _everyone_ will be wearing that you can activate if something happens over the Atlantic. When you get home, you can have your party, but then we’re going to have a _big_ talk about telling us what you’re really up to. Sounds good?”

 “Yeah, okay. I’m kind of stumped,” Phineas admitted, Ferb nodding along.

 “If they get us home, that means I win, right? Because Phineas and Ferb didn’t do it?” Buford checked with Baljeet.

 “Sadly,” Baljeet said.

 “Win? Win what?” Heinz asked.

 “Ferb and I…kind of made an ill-advised bet,” Phineas said. “If we get home before sundown, Buford has to eat a bug.”

 “If I win, they can’t invent anything for the rest of the summer,” Buford said, flinching when Heinz and Perry gave me unimpressed looks. “Hey, they _agreed_ to it!”

 “We’re going talk about that too,” Heinz told Phineas and Ferb. “Now, you kids go and try to come up with something while Perry and I help Candace calm down.”

 As the kids ran off, motivated by the new time limit, Perry and Heinz led Candace to a bench.

 “Feeling better now?” Heinz asked since she’d stopped hyperventiliating.

 “No!” Candace said. 

 Perry signed that this situation wasn’t all on her.

 “Yes it is! _I’m_ supposed to be the one who stops them from doing this kind of thing,” Candace muttered.

 “ _No_ , you’re supposed to have fun during your summer too. You’re a _teenager_ , Candace. This isn’t all on _you_. Perry and I need to keep in mind the boy’s tendency to go overboard more than we have been, _clearly_ ,” Heinz said.

 Perry nodded, signing that Candace was _not_ responsible for everything the boys did.

 “But, but I’m their big sister!” Candace said.

 “And I’m Roger’s big brother; you know I have no hand in anything _that guy_ does,” Heinz said.

 “Okay, yeah,” Candace sighed. “But you two, are like, adults. Phineas and Ferb are still kids!”

 “Don’t make me get you a neon sweater that says _Also Still a Kid_ to remind you you’re a minor, too,” Heinz said. “I’ll do it. Evil people know a lot of tailors.”

 Perry added that she was still in trouble, but that was because all the kids were in trouble. She wasn’t in some sort of trouble above and beyond the others just for going along with the bad idea for an admittedly selfish reason.

 “He’s right, if I got mad at you for making a selfish move, wow, would I be a hypocrite or what?” Heinz asked.

 “It doesn’t matter. Isabella did this whole musical number and I still couln’t even go _talk_ to Jeremy,” Candace sighed. “I chickened out.”

 Perry noted she still had almost an hour.

 “True…are you going to go say hi?” Heinz asked.

 “You hate that I’m dating,” Candace pointed out.

 “Yeah, I’m an overprotective schnitzel of a father figure… _but_ you kind of came all the way to Paris for a quick face to face, so I think I’ll let this one slide,” Heinz said.

 Perry added that as a non-overprotective father figure in regard to dating, to go talk to the boy already.

 “Okay…okay! Doing this!” Candace said, steeling herself before heading towards the Eifel Tower.

 “I may not like our littler girl dating, but I’ll admit, I hope when Vanessa gets into it she’s at least going to pick someone nice like the Johnson kid,” Heinz said.

 Perry replied that Candace had always had good taste in boys.

 “Yeah, yeah, but they’re teenagers I’m not in charge of. I’ll always be suspicious of who she dates until, like, grad school. Or law school. Charlene said Candace has been looking interested in her work, so it might end up being law school,” Heinz mused. “Okay, let’s go find an electronics store. I’m going to need some smartphones, three watches, and a cable box if we’re going to make these trackers keep an eye on the kids all the way across the Atlantic.”

 Perry asked if he should text Charlene about this.

 “Oof, yeah, probably. You want to do that while I make the trackers?”

 Perry nodded. Better not put it off, and also to get Charlene’s input on the punishment so Vanessa faced a united front on that account.

.o.o.o.

**Perry** : Hey, kids went overboard on a scheme. In Paris.

**Charlene** : PLEASE tell me you mean Paris, Texas.

**Perry** : No. Went around world, chasing sun. Currently in Paris France. Heinz & I caught up there.

**Charlene** : Norm said they had a party tonight.

**Perry** : Miscommunication. Is party, at the end.

**Charlene** : Are they getting home?

**Perry** : Gave them 1 hr to figure out. Or we’re doing it. Heinz making trackers to keep eye on them from here if they get out on own.

**Charlene** : Tell him to send the trackers to my phone to, in case they make it back b4 you do. Plans once they get here?

**Perry** : Allow party, then long talk. They thought we’d OK’d. Miscommunication.

**Charlene** : Any punishment?

**Perry** : Working on it.

**Charlene** : Booking plane tickets now. Use plane wifi to keep texting me. We’ll work something out.

**Perry** : K.

.o.o.o.

 “Oh, hey Isabella,” Heinz said as they left the electronics store, Perry still texting. “You and Phineas pick up anything here?”

 “He really needs something bigger,” Isabella said. “…Not really how I thought spending time in Paris with Phineas might go.”

  “Yeah, he’s uh…pretty oblivious, huh,” Heinz said. “It’s not you, kiddo. It’s him. Late bloomer. Let it go for a bit, you’ll be happier.”

 “That’s, uh, a little hard,” Isabella sighed as Phineas headed into another store.

 “Okay. Just remember, it’s nothing you’re doing wrong,” Heinz said as he commandeered a bistro table to work.

 Perry signed that Charlene had booked the two of them a flight home.

 “Oh, good,” Heinz said. “…Can she adjust it to nine if, you know…?”

 Perry nodded.

 “Cool. Cool,” Heinz said.

 “May we sit with you?” Baljeet asked as he and Buford came up.

 “Sure. Hey, are any of you hungry? We have some Euros in change from the electronics store,” Heinz said.

 “I’m always hungry,” Buford said. “Bullying takes a lot of fuel.”

 “Sure, hey, Perry, mind following Phineas into that bakery and getting some chow?” Heinz asked as he took the buttons off his labcoat and started attaching trackers to them.

 Perry nodded, headed the same way Phineas had gone.

 “No dice on the romance?” Buford checked with Isabella. She glared at him. “Hey, just keeping up with my friends.”

 “Friends don’t make friends stop inventing,” Heinz said.

 Buford sighed overdramatically, “Look, I have to do stuff like that or I lose my bullying cred.”

 “Just give anyone who questions your bullying cred a swirly then,” Heinz said. “Or kick sand at them. Always worked for Big Black Boots Boris.”

 “Who?” Baljeet asked, only for Phineas and Ferb to both run out of the bakery. “Wait, when did Ferb get here?”

 Perry followed them with bags of food which he put on the table and signed that the boys had an idea.

 “We’re going to turn the plane into a boat with giant baguettes!” Phineas said.

 “…You have life preservers, right?” Heinz checked.

 “Under the seats, Dr. D, been there the whole time,” Phineas assured him.

 “Okay, here, trackers for everyone,” Heinz said, passing the trackers out, giving Vanessa and Candace’s to Ferb. “See you all back in Danville, and if not, see you wherever you get stuck because we’ll know where that is and pick you up!”

 Perry handed the kids some plastic deli boxes so they wouldn’t get hungry.

 “Guess who kissed Jeremy!” Vanessa yelled, running up to the group.

 “Guess who doesn’t want to hear that!” Heinz said, putting his hands over his ears.

 “Vanessa, quit it!” Candace screamed, chasing her sister down. “Oh, hey. We leaving?”

 “We sure are! Get ready to sail!” Phineas said brightly.

 “…What?” Candace and Vanessa asked.

.o.o.o.

 “This had better be good,” Mystery snarled at Carl.

 “Look, we’re trying,” Carl said, “We know this is a big change for you-”

 “I got kicked out of my alumni association!” Mystery snapped.

 “…Don’t those just ask for money?” Carl asked.

 Mystery glared harder at him. Carl his behind the desk.

 Peter sighed and told Mystery that Carl had a job offer for him if he’d just listen.

 “A what now?” Mystery asked.

 Carl peeked over the desk, “The major, HR, and I have gone over your service to the agency and would like to offer you a clean slate in exchange for becoming a full agent. Given ciumstances.”

 “…Why would I want that?” Mystery huffed. “I’m evil.”

 “Well, no one else is willing to give you a break on that, so we just thought…I mean, it was Peter’s idea-”

 Mystery turned his glare on Peter. Peter could see why it made Carl hide behind the desk. It was several suns hotter than usual due to the stress Mystery was under.

 Peter explained that it was just an idea.

 “…I’m taking time off. Don’t look me up,” Mystery huffed, storming out.

.o.o.o.

 “They’re running out of time,” Heinz said nervously as the sun started to set.

 “Don’t worry, I’m working on legal loopholes so the boys don’t lose their minds from not inventing,” Charlene said.

 Perry gave her a thumbs-up.

 The kids suddenly jumped the Garcia-Shapiro’s fence on various bikes, skateboards, and scooters.

 “…I feel like this isn’t the moment to ask what the heck happened to the plane,” Heinz said.

 Perry nodded, agreeing they’d maybe do that later as the kids were swarmed by their friends.

 “There was a _plane_ at one point?” Charlene asked.

 “Well, they left Paris by turning it into a boat…” Heinz mused. “Wait, when did Jeremy get back here! He wasn’t on _our_ plane!”

 Charlene and Perry snickered as Heinz tried to contain himself at the sight of Jeremy and Candace kissing.

 The kids quickly launched into a bouncy musical number about how summer belonged to everyone and the adults went to hit the drinks, Charlene pulling out a flask and liberally dosing her and Perry’s punch cups with it. Heinz had drawn the short straw to be designated driver.

 “So, you’ve got a plan for the ‘learn to ask adults talk’ then?” Charlene asked.

 Perry nodded. They may have gotten an unusually fast flight back here, but it had still been a lot of time to plan and Heinz was amazing at planning, even for nerve-wracking things like this.

 “All right. As long as we stick the agreed-on punishment, I think it’ll work out. Kids appreciate a firm hand sometimes, Heinz,” Charlene added.

 “Urgh, I know, but it’s _lousy_ when you have to do it because you love them even if they scared the bratwurst out of you,” Heinz said. Perry nodded, patting him on the shoulder. “Still…got to parent. Whew. At least this musical number’s clearly going to take a while.”

.o.o.o.

 Mystery shut the door to his apartment and kicked the couch. He instantly regretted that and clutched his foot, hissing.

 Stupid Peter. Stupid OWCA. Become an Agent…ha! Yeah right.

 He flopped facedown on the bed and plotted revenge against life being stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took a little while until I figured out the Peter and Mystery scenes. But here it is, and next time we have We Need To Talk.


	3. We Need To Talk

 

 “So…” Heinz said once everyone was home and settled in the living room. “What happened to the plane-boat?”

 “Crashed into an island,” Vanessa admitted. “We made a giant paper airplane to get off, and ended up by Buford’s house.”

 “You crashed into an island. Okay,” Heinz said.

 “We were kind of glad for the trackers, since, well, we weren’t sure we were going to get off it,” Phineas admitted. “That was a good idea.”

 Perry agreed that it had been. He then added that he and Heinz weren’t mad at the kids and for Candace to please take a few deep breaths.

 Candace nodded rigidly. “I’ll try.”

 “So, I think the first thing we need to talk about is supervision. And why it didn’t occur to _anyone_ to bring an adult for this,” Heinz said.

 “Well, you and Perry were busy. And, I guess…a lot of the other adults don’t quite seem to know what we get up to sometimes?” Phineas said. “I mean, maybe we could have gotten Sergei…do you think he’d have gone with us?”

 “That or called us about you,” Heinz said. “Or arranged for someone else. He’s got options.”

 “I also could have tried asking Mom,” Vanessa admitted.

 “We just… _I_ thought we’d be fine,” Phineas admitted. “Stuff usually just…works out.”

 “And then you were almost stranded in Paris. And the middle of the Atlantic, allegedly,” Heinz said.

 “It wasn’t the middle, we weren’t far enough from the coast,” Ferb said.

 “Close enough for the giant paper plane to work, anyway,” Vanessa agreed.

 “Okay, _somewhere_ in the Atlantic on an unknown island,” Heinz said, waving his hands to dismiss the dithering. “Point is, stranded. With only Norm _sort of, maybe_ knowing where you were until I gave you better trackers.”

 “…I can see how we should have maybe had more backups,” Phineas mused.

 Perry signed that while that was true, that was also not the point they were making.

 “I know,” Phineas said. “Sorry.”

 Perry tried to explain that there was a difference between making a thrill ride for their friends and _leaving the continental United States_.

 “Yeah, I guess we do generally stay in Danville…or near Grandpa Clyde and Grandma Betty-Jo’s cabin…or wherever the family is in England that day,” Phineas mused. “I guess maybe it was a bit much of leap.”

 “So, when we put our plans to go to the moon in action, let you know?” Ferb checked.

 “Yes!” Heinz said quickly as Perry nodded fervently.

 “Oh. Okay. Yeah, we don’t really have reasons yet, but I’m sure we will eventually,” Phineas said.

 “And maybe I need to do a better job at being the big sister and recognizing that leaving the continent without explicit permission wasn’t smart and stepped in,” Vanessa said. “Candace was worried that you guys didn’t know and I kind of dismissed that.”

 “But I _wanted you_ to dismiss it!” Candace said. “I was just looking for an out and took it! I should have called!”

 “Yes, you should have, but it’s not the end of the world that you didn’t,” Heinz said gently as Ferb hugged Candace. “Look, kids. Perry and I know you’re kids and you’ll mess up sometimes. Because kids do that. We just want you to not do this again, okay?”

 “But we’re still in trouble,” Vanessa surmised.

 “You left the country, heck yes you are,” Heinz confirmed.

 Perry explained that he and Heinz would work out something fair, and they left. Perry paused in the doorway before adding he was also disappointed in Phineas’ poor bet acceptance abilities.

 “Yeah. Yeah, I kind of learned that one,” Phineas agreed. Thinking he wouldn’t be able to invent for the rest of the summer had been _awful_. And Buford had been fine eating a bug!

 Perry nodded before joining Heinz in another room.

 “So…yeah,” Vanessa said. “I guess I do kind of come across as the irresponsible sis, huh?”

 “No, you’re plenty responsible, I was just looking for an out,” Candace said. “I also could have tried bringing it up with Phineas and Ferb, they probably would have told me to call.”

 “Yes we would have,” Ferb agreed. “Because it didn’t _occur_ to us and if it had, we’d have liked to have checked.”

 “See?” Candace said.

 “But how would you know we hadn’t thought of something? We usually think of everything!” Phineas said. “Face it, we messed up too, Candace.”

 Perry and Heinz came back in.

 Perry signed that they were all under house arrest for three days, and the boys had no unsupervised inventing for a week after that while the girls had a seven o-clock curfew for the same week.

 “So, no inventing without you guys around?” Phineas asked.

 Perry shook his head.

 “We’re _trying_ to get you to just ask your friends’ parents to supervise now and then. So you know how to ask for when you do the big stuff. They might surprise you,” Heinz said. “Plus, Mrs. Tjinder is a nurse, so if you _do_ hurt yourselves…well. Having her right there could be good.”

 “Oh. Um. Okay,” Phineas said.

 Perry knelt down and emphatically signed that it had nothing to do with not trusting the boys to try to stay safe, but that the boys couldn’t always predict what might go wrong.  Having an adult just checking in now and then might be a good thing.

 “…Okay,” Phineas muttered.

 Perry pulled both boys into a tight hug.

 “Sorry we scared you,” Phineas said quietly. “We’d have told you if we thought we needed to.”

 “Well, now you know to tell us about the really big stuff,” Heinz said, crouching down to hug the boys and Perry.

 Perry looked at Candace as he stood and assured her that he and Heinz weren’t mad at her.

 “Okay,” Candace said, shrugging. She smiled weakly as Perry hugged her, “Love you too, Uncle Perry.”

 “Love you too, Dad,” Vanessa said, giving Heinz a kiss on the cheek before she yawned. “And…it’s been a long thirty-six hours so I think I’m just going to sleep through the first few of those days on lockdown…”

 “Oh, I hear you, sis,” Candace said, following Vanessa to their room. Phineas and Ferb quickly followed suit, leaving Heinz and Perry in the living room.

 “Oh man, I didn’t think I was going to make it through that, I’m such a softie,” Heinz said, leaning agqinst the wall and wiping his brow.

 Perry thanked Heinz for standing firm with him.

 “Well…that was some rough parenting,” Heinz sighed. “I think we’re going to need to keep an eye on Candace for a bit. She’s still _way_ too guilty.”

 Perry nodded. He should have expected the first time Candace let the boys get away with something big would lead to her blaming herself for a long time.

 “So, I’m thinking we call out on OWCA for the house arrest days, make things a little easier on the kids,” Heinz said as they headed to the bedroom.

 Perry noted that it would also be easier on him and Heinz.

 “Okay, you got me, but you agree, right?”

 Perry nodded. Some time off sounded really good right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a little long, mainly because I realized it made more sense NOT to have a Mystery scene since so little time passes--it's still the same evening the last chapter ended on. We'll catch up with Mystery next time as a few more days pass!
> 
> Heinz is easily the more permissive between him and Perry, but he managed to hold firm here. Good for him!


	4. Mystery on the Couch

 The first day of grounding ended up being ridiculously easy for the kids to get through thanks to their exhaustion, but the next day had the boys going a tad stir crazy. After some discussion, Heinz and Perry decided they could go up to the lab unsupervised so long as it was just to hang out with Norm to play games and clean or organize their inventing space.

 “Ooh, yeah, we have kind of let it get messy,” Phineas agreed as they headed up the stairs.

 “We may have been in a hurry making the plane,” Ferb agreed as Perry shook his head upon seeing the boys’ lab space.

 “Wow. Reminds me of my storage room before Perry fixed it,” Heinz said as Norm tied on an apron and maid hat.

 Perry noted how that was _not_ a good thing.

 “True!” Heinz agreed.

.o.o.o.

 Professor Mystery paused outside Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and asked himself if this was really a good idea. True, there wasn’t _really_ anyone else to talk to about this, but there was no guarantee that Heinz and Perry would be of any help, much less be willing to be.

 He waved to Mrs. Hasenpfeffer on the way in, the nice old lady who sometimes buzzed him and Peter into the garage as “Mr. Doofensmitz’s friends.” For someone who always got her building-owner’s name wrong, she was surprisingly closer than most people who messed it up.

 He reached the apartment and knocked. When that got no response, he rang the bell instead in case no one was close to the door.  

 After some excruciating waiting, Heinz opened the door. “Professor Mystery? What are you doing here? We called out!”

 “This isn’t an OWCA thing. Can we…talk? I need some advice,” Mystery said. “And I really don’t know who else to talk to.”

 “We-elll….let me check with the kids. They’re on grounded-lockdown right now so I don’t want to bug them too much,” Heinz said.

 Mystery nodded as Heinz closed the door. After a minute, it opened again.

 “Yeah, we’re cool, boys are still cleaning the lab and the girls said they’d just hang in their room. What’s up?”

 “So, you know how, well, Peter and I…well, we didn’t really stop you, you self-stopped, but in Tokyo…” Mystery said as they walked into the living room. He nodded to Perry, who leaned in the doorway to the stairs up to the lab and eyed him curiously.

 “Looked like you thwarted us, yeah, whatever. What’s wrong with it?” Heinz asked.

 “It looked like I thwarted you in front of the International Good Guy Convention!” Mystery ranted.

 “Urgh, _seriously_ , do not remind me of that lame name and…and _that’s_ the problem, huh? You thwarted evil in front of the major good guys in the world,” Heinz said, catching on.

 “How can I ever be taken seriously as evil again?” Mystery asked, burying his face in his hands.

 Heinz patted him on the shoulder. “Oh…oh boy. Yeah, um. _Yeah_ , as someone whose villain cred is constantly under assault…yeah. That’s bad, man. Not like, good-bad. That’s _bad_.”

 “I know!” Mystery said. “I’ll never get Peter back as my nemesis _now_!”

 Heinz and Perry shared looks. Perry quickly signed something that Mystery didn’t catch and Heinz said, “Oh yeah, that’s a good idea.”

 Perry headed into the kitchen while Heinz pushed Mystery over to the couch before flopping down on the loveseat. “Perry’s going to make tea. You like milk or sugar?”

 “Milk’s good,” Mystery said. While he liked his coffee black, tea was another story.

 “So, what’s the dish?” Heinz asked. “Do you think _Peter_ can’t take your evil seriously anymore? He’s who matters and he knows what happened.”

 “…OWCA offered to expunge my record. Peter’s thwarted every major thing I’ve ever done, and the minor stuff…well, the amount of ‘good’ I’ve done for revenge on you apparently outweighs it,” Mystery muttered. “That I could give up evil, even…join them. For real.”

 “ _Whoa_ ,” Heinz said.

 Mystery nodded. It was kind of a big deal.

“Well, do you want to?” Heinz asked after they listened to Perry in the kitchen for a bit.

 “What?” Mystery asked.

 “Do you _want_ to? You work great with Peter, seriously, how do you think the two of you have such a good track record? You really compliment each other,” Heinz said.

 “I don’t know if I can,” Mystery said. “I…I haven’t been anyone but Professor Mystery in a really long time. I went to West Evil U in this mask.”

 “…I hope you _washed_ it,” Heinz said.

 “Metaphorically. I have like a dozen masks, come on,” Mystery said. “I…I’m not sure who I am without the evil.”

 Perry came back with the tea while Heinz seemed to think through Mystery’s words.

 “So…you _do_ know what your name is when you’re not Professor Mystery, right?” Heinz checked.

 “…I actually use like, three different names as needed,” Mystery admitted, shrugging. “But yes.”

 Perry groaned and passed Mystery a cup.

 “Wow. Just. Wow,” Heinz said. “You are _committed_ to your theme.”

 “Eh. It’s my thing,” Mystery said, stirring milk into his tea while Heinz dumped a questionable amount of sugar into his own. Perry rolled his eyes at both of them. “We’ve all got our things. That’s mine. Being mysterious. Yours is being ridiculously prolific and backstory-oriented. Perry’s is being a stoic tough guy. We all do it.”

 “You have to admit, my theme’s a lot less inconvenient,” Heinz said.

 “Eh. Maybe I like a challenge more than you,” Mystery said.

 Perry scowled and asked them not to turn this into an evil contest, please.

 “Okay, okay,” Heinz said. “So you’re just…not sure what to do, huh?”

 “Pretty much,” Mystery said. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since they told me and…I’ve gotten nowhere.”

 Perry asked why he didn’t try to talk more to Peter about this.

 Mystery shrugged sulkily “Why? I don’t even know how he feels about this, or if he’d want to stick around if I’m not evil-”

 “You think _Peter_ doesn’t like having you around? You’re, like, the _only_ person I have _ever_ seen him say sorry to. Like, you get a lot more respect and consideration than I see anyone else get out of him,” Heinz said.

 “I mean…he said he was sorry. When I first wasn’t going to be his nemesis anymore,” Mystery said. “Do you…do you think he meant it?”

 “I know communication is a big thing, man. Talk to him,” Heinz said. “Seriously, Perry and I work so much stuff out by just asking things. It’s like, some magic wand or something. _Amazing_.”

 Perry noted that communication was kind of important in any relationship and honestly he sometimes wondered if Peter knew any more about Mystery than they did.

 “I mean, of course he does, he knows I like vengeance!” Mystery said.

 Perry rolled his eyes and said that was the most obvious thing about Mystery.

 “Oh. Well um, he…no….no you know that one too…erm…crud,” Mystery said.

 “And he _still_ puts up with you! He must like you at least a little!” Heinz said brightly.

 Perry scolded Heinz for the phrasing.

 “No, no, he had a good point,” Mystery said.  

 “Ha. _I_ had a _good point_ ,” Heinz bragged to Perry.

 Perry smiled a Heinz but still rolled his eyes.  

 “I had a good point!” Heinz laughed.

.o.o.o.

 Somehow, Mystery hadn’t left by dinner time, and so Perry just made an extra serving of pasta while Ferb pulled an extra chair to the table.

 “So…you’re grounded?” Mystery checked with the kids.

 “Yep,” Candace said.

 “We…didn’t tell them before flying around the world,” Phineas said.

 “Whoa,” Mystery said. “…Aren’t you a little young-?”

 “Yes, yes they are,” Heinz agreed.

 “Huh,” Mystery said.

.o.o.o.

 Mystery stayed the night, sleeping on the couch. As payment he offered to watch the boys in the morning if Heinz and Perry needed a break, and after some deliberation they agreed he could be trusted to be a responsible adult with their guarded-by-Norm children for a few hours.

 So Heinz and Perry came back from a Brunch Date to find Norm and the boys playing Space Adventure Clue.

 Perry asked if there had been any explosions.

 “We kept it to a minimum,” Phineas reassured him. “Girls and Mystery are in the kitchen.”

 Perry headed over, pausing when he heard Candace talking.  

 “So you think because you _were_ a bad guy, that means you can’t really bust the bad guys if you’re not doing it for revenge anymore?” Candace asked.

 “I mean, Peter and I have something really good going with your uncle and Heinz. Would me dropping my vengeance, I don’t know, threaten that somehow?” Mystery asked.

  “I don’t know. But what I do know is that I freak out all the time over my relationship with Jeremy, when in reality Jeremy likes me because I’m me, not because of any little specific thing I’m terrified to change,” Candace said. “And I’ll probably ignore the fact that I know that the next time I think about changing my shoes, or my toothpaste, or my perfume. But it’s true.”

“You’re saying…Peter doesn’t like me because I’m how I am when I want revenge…Peter likes me because he likes…me?” Mystery asked. “I realize it’s a little iffy, comparing a teenage romantic relationship to the business relationship of two grown men-”

 “Wait, you and Peter aren’t dating?” Vanessa asked.

 “No?” Mystery asked.

 “…Huh,” Vanessa said.

 “You thought they were dating?” Candace asked.

 “Yeah,” Vanessa said. “I mean, there’s something there.”

 “Well, yeah, I saw that, but not that they’re dating,” Candace said.

 “We’re not dating and _what something_?” Mystery yelped.

 Perry poked his head in, worried now that people were yelling.

 “Your girls are confusing me!” Mystery said, pointing accusingly between Candace and Vanessa.

 Perry shrugged, signing that they did that.

 “Vanessa thought he and Peter the Panda were dating,” Candace explained.

 Perry folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at Vanessa.

 “Look, you can only have one person pick up and carry another person so many times before there’s questions!” Vanessa said.

 Perry admitted that Peter did carry Mystery around a lot.

 “I’m a little out of shape, okay? I get winded easily,” Mystery pouted. “And Peter’s a show off. He’s lifted you by the collar sometimes!”

 Perry noted that he always punched Peter for that and also Peter sometimes had Mystery in a bridal carry, now that he was thinking about it.

 “That was like, _once_ ,” Mystery said.

 “I know at least two times,” Vanessa said.

 Mystery glared at her. Vanessa was unfazed.

.o.o.o.

 “So…do you live on our couch now?” Candace asked Mystery two days later.

 “Aren’t you no longer grounded?” Mystery asked back.

 “Touché,” Candace said.

 “…Guess we’re both a little stuck, huh,” Mystery sighed.

 “Tell me about it. I didn’t bust my brothers for something actually bad…but it still kind of worked out. I mean, we got in trouble, but…Uncle Perry and Dr. D aren’t even mad about. Aren’t mad at  me,” Candace said.

 “Well, I mean, I’m sure you scared them and all but…it’s kind of over with, right? And you’re all fine?” Mystery said.

 “I guess. But how can I just go on a date with Jeremy knowing I failed so badly and no one’s even punishing me for it,” Candace said.

 “So, what, you’re punishing yourself? Where’s the sense in that?” Mystery said.

 “Dude, you’re living on our couch to hide from OWCA. You don’t get to talk,” Candace said.

 “Hey, if OWCA can forgive _me_ for years of evil, I think your uncle and…not-yet-uncle? Anyway, Perry and Heinz can forgive you for a single mistake,” Mystery said.

 “Dude, don’t go comparing your evil butt to me,” Candace huffed.

 “I want it on the record that I’m not the one who made this about butts,” Mystery said flatly.

 Candace laughed. “Okay. Walked into that.”

 “Yep,” Mystery said. “Hey. Want to make a deal?”

 “What kind of deal?” Candace asked.

 “We _both_ try to move forward from this,” Mystery said. “Yeah, it’s a thing that changed things and we hate that…but it _did_.”

 “Going to go see Peter?” Candace asked.

 “Only if you go see Jeremy Johnson tomorrow,” Mystery said.

 Candace thought on it for a moment before grinning. “Deal!”

.o.o.o.

_Tomorrow_

 Peter answered his door, surprised to see a face he didn’t know with a voice he did.

 “The name’s Miggs Ortega,” Mystery said. “And I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really Mystery's chapter, with Candace, Heinz, and Perry backing him up. Both Mystery and Candace have to face that stuff's changed...and the world didn't fall apart even though it can't go back the way it was.


	5. A New Normal

 “OW! Ow, you stupid panda, that hurts!” Mystery—Miggs?—hissed.

 Peter put him down, quick shutting the door behind them before anyone heard any reference to pandas or agents in the hall. He grabbed a note off the table that he’d written ages ago and shoved it over.

 “‘Where have you been?’ Where have I _been_?” Mystery asked. “I show up to agree to your crazy deal like you wanted and you ask me-”

 Peter angrily signed that it had been _three days_ and he’d been _worried_.

 “…Doof and Perry’s couch. I needed somewhere to think,” Mystery muttered.

 Peter was stunned. He’d gone to _them_?

 “I needed to talk to Doof, he knows…he knows about the whole, _evil_ thing and all,” Mystery said.

 Peter was confused. What did evil matter if Mystery was going to be good now?

 “Don’t give me that look, I _am_ evil. It’s a hard choice to decide not to be. And I wasn’t being good before, I was just, just messing things up for someone I was mad at. That’s not being good, that’s getting even. That’s what Doof tries to do all the time,” Mystery said. “And I wasn’t good in Tokyo, no matter what it looked like publicly. _I_ never stopped anything, we just got lucky on our timing and it ended up looking good. But…I…I wanted to talk to you. About maybe…being good and why…that might be…hard.”

 Peter nodded. He supposed it _would_ be a pretty big lifestyle change for Mystery, and some mental stress Peter hadn’t really thought about.

 “So. Yeah. Good. Don’t, erm, have much experience with it. Like, the thwarting, yeah, but not for the right…reasons? Really,” Mystery said awkwardly.

 Peter shrugged, and admitted he didn’t always have the right reasons either. Sometimes he really just wanted to get back at Perry.

 “I sweat, I wanted vengeance on Heinz Doofenshmirtz and you two were _still_ worse than me,” Mystery huffed.

 Peter smirked and signed how that was natural dislike for you.

 “I know what natural dislike is! I’m… _was_ , evil, I naturally dislike most things!” Mystery said.

 Peter asked if that was how the evil started.

 Mystery blinked. “Err. No. No that’s…another…screw it.”

 He flopped down on the couch with a sigh. Peter frowned, hoping this wasn’t anything too painful. Heinz’s backstories were pretty rough, even if the guy seemed okay now. Who knew what the past of Miggs Ortega held?

 “So…I guess you could say my whole evil thing started when I was a kid,” Mystery said. “My parents were scientists. Things were Good but then dad accidentally created this black hole thing and they became obsessed with protecting so it didn’t swallow the Earth. Eventually to ‘save the world’ they launched themselves into space.”

 Peter gaped, asking how old Mystery was when that happened.

 “Eh, thirteen, I think?” Mystery asked. “Yeah, thirteen. As you can guess, _kind_ of soured me on anything that did good for the world.”

 Peter nodded. Understandable.

 “Anyway, foster care, bullying, blah-blah, got into West Evil U and never looked back,” Mystery said. “Developed my alias at college, which is why you were never able to connect it to my civilian identity. And eventually became evil enough to get my own nemesis, the end.”

 Peter stared. While obviously skipping over _a lot_ , that was still more than Mystery had ever told him willingly before.

 “So, uh. Yeah. That’s me,” Mystery said. “Um. Now you know.”

 Peter thanked Mystery for telling him.

 “…Yeah. Um….yeah. So you can kinda see why I’m am…why this is awkward for me,” Mystery explained, drumming his fingers on the arm of the couch. “To go from ‘I hate good’ to ‘darn it guess I’m kind of good now’ you know.”

 Peter nodded. Sounded complicated all right.

 “And…that was emotionally exhausting,” Mystery huffed. “Where’s the fridge?”

 Peter frowned, but pointed to where the kitchen was. By the time he caught up, Mystery was happily raiding his food. Oh well. Peter supposed he could reward the emotional honesty with his groceries.

 One Mystery had something thing on the counter to eat, Peter snapped to get his attention and asked him if Peter should just go get the paperwork.

 “…We do make a good team,” Mystery agreed.

 Peter noted that he kind of needed a firm yess before getting the paperwork.

 “Let me finish eating!” Mystery complained.

 Peter shrugged, grabbing some chips for himself.

 “Hey, you think I can get OWCA to pay me better now?” Mystery asked.

 Peter told him not to get his hopes up.

.o.o.o.

 “By sweetie, have a nice time!” Heinz called as Candace headed out to go and pick up Jeremy for an afternoon date. “If he tries anything there’s weapon grade pepper spray in the glovebox!”

 Perry laughed as Candace shouted an annoyed “you’re _so weird_ ” before heading out the door. He then asked where Heinz bought the weapons grade pepper spray.

 “Oh, I made that. Had to make sure it was a strong enough,” Heinz said. “Now! To business! If they ever get here…”

 Perry shrugged. So Peter and maybe Mystery were late. It was the first day of work after a week off.

 “Okay, okay, but, this is something that might not get thwarted in, like, an hour. And we’re supposed to pick the kids up soon,” Heinz said.

 Perry nodded, handing Heinz a phone so Heinz could call the Tjinders.

 “Hello? Oh, hi Ankita. Yeah, we just wanted to see how things were going, if the boys built anything, ah, odd,” Heinz said. “And let you know we may be late. Work, you know.”

 “Well as to strange, do you count a giant loom in my backyard?” Ankita asked jokingly. “They wanted to learn about my weaving and embroidery hobby and went a tad…overboard. I _do_ admire the enthusiasm.”

 “Well, so long as they’re keeping you in the loop,” Heinz said.

 “I have to wonder what they’re planning to do with all these giant weavings…” Ankita mused. “Ah well. Things are going just fine and if your work runs long I don’t mind having Phineas and Ferb over for supper.”

 “Thanks, we’ll keep you posted,” Heinz said, hanging up. “Perry, any sign yet?”

 Perry shook his head.

 “Well, if they’re late, they’re late. No skin off our backs,” Heinz said as he aimed the babel-inator at Roger’s press conference. “This is going to be _hilarious_!”

 Perry had just raised his binoculars to watch when he heard two sets of feet land on the roof. He whirled to face Peter and Mystery, only to be surprised by the fedora on Mystery’s head. He’d also replaced his ski mask with a large domino mask, showing the lower half of his face and revealing he had frizzy dark brown hair.

 Peter introduced them as Peter the Panda and Mystery the Magpie.

 “Oh, you joined OWCA, good for—hey!” Heinz said as Mystery tried to push the babel-inator off-target while Heinz was still talking.

 “I’m reformed, not any less tricky,” Mystery mocked, only to get grabbed and tossed into Peter by Perry. Peter in turn threw him right back into Perry. “Oh, come on, Peter? _Seriously_?”

 Peter jokingly signed that he wasn’t going to go easy on Mystery just because Mystery was Good now. He then got jump-kicked as Mystery didn’t stop Perry from getting to him.

 “Maybe you _should_!” Mystery huffed before remembering he was supposed to be fighting Heinz and lunging for him. He screwed up his attack angle, letting Heinz duck so he hit the babel-inator face first. “Ow.”

 “Oh man, your first mission and you almost break your nose! I love it!” Heinz mocked before Mystery quickly tackled him for real. “Hey!”

 Peter managed to get away from Perry long enough to aim the babel-inator at a wall and then hit a bunch of buttons to overload it. Everyone dove clear of the explosion.

 “We’re good?” Mystery checked, peeking out from behind the Shrinkinator.

 Peter gave him a thumbs-up, already heading for the door.

 “Curse you Peter the Panda and Mystery the Magpie! No, no, that sounds weird. Curse you Professor Mystery! Yeah, yeah that’s better,” Heinz said, nodding to himself. “We’ll work on it!”

 Perry shook his head, grinning. Looked like things were back to normal…or a new normal, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mystery’s hair is around a 3B on the curl chart for someone trying to picture it, but he doesn’t take very good care of it (due to years of constant ski masks and now cramming it under a fedora) so it’s pretty much all frizz instead of curls. 
> 
> As Perry and the Chapter Title say, we're now in the new normal after this one. Candace is over her stronger busting instincts which means she and Jeremy might hang with the boys more often, the boys might now include some adults in their schemes they haven't before which lets me drag the other kids' parents in for fun, and Mystery is now an Agent. But everyone's still going to call him Professor Mystery. He's still that kind of guy.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's where things really start to hit the fan and the status quo gets a bit of shakeup.
> 
> Unlike Linda, Heinz and Perry are generally in the loop as to what Phineas and Ferb get up to. GENERALLY being the operative word, as they're pretty lenient with letting the boys do stuff on their own and therefore don't always know the specifics. Which means maybe there's a time when the boys go a little too far...
> 
> Meanwhile, as Mystery noted, his evil cred was just totally demolished, so he's not going to have a good week. 
> 
> One thing I did want to change was Candace's reason for not calling--in the special, it was because Linda pretty much told her "if you call me to say something's wrong, it means you messed up" and that never really sat great with me. So here she's going along because she thinks things will turn out fine like they always do and also to see Jeremy in Paris.


End file.
